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why this blog

When I was pregnant, I started a handwritten journal detailing the ins and outs of our days leading up to the birth of baby Carlino.  We opted not to find out the gender and prepared for a natural birth. Things in life rarely go as planned, and my natural water birth turned into a c-section.  But, our healthy baby girl was born and after a few days, we settled on the name Gianna.  

 Through her first year, I continued to journal to her. It was mostly things about her. Her firsts and likes and dislikes and how Michael and I loved her.  When she was 2.5 years old, I was diagnosed with Stage IIB Breast Cancer.  I was terrified Gianna would grow up without me.  I immediately began writing in her journal again.  

But this time it was about me. It was all the things I wanted her to know about me. About how deep my love for her was. About my greatest joys and my greatest life lessons. About the things in life worth fighting for. About empathy and community. I was desperate for her to really know me. To know me even 10 or 20 years from now. And maybe the only way for her to know me was if I write to her. So I wrote.

 In cursive.
I'm going to need to live a long life so I can teach Gianna cursive so she can read historical documents and this journal I have so painstakingly written. In the meantime, I'll write my musings here so there's no doubt that Gianna will know me. She will know the things I hold dear.


 She will know her mother. 

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