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biggie smalls

When my girl was 3.5 years old, we moved her to a big girl bed. She finally had out grown her toddler bed and I purchased an adorable white, twin sized headboard second hand, but it needed a frame. It was just after the first of the year; almost all our ‘extra’ money spent and our finances squeezed. I had quit my job 4 months earlier. I was not emotionally ready to return to work following my cancer treatment. I was physically feeling great, but I was experiencing the emotional fall out of it all. It was a very, very difficult choice to leave my career. I had a wonderful job. And I knew it. It’s easy to walk away from bad situations, but challenging to walk away from something good. And it was good. Just not good for me in that moment.

I saw a bed frame on an online marketplace for cheap. $15 cheap! I contacted the seller and arranged pick up. As I was driving there I began lamenting my fears that God was going to start pulling my blessings again. I had made it through treatment without being hospitalized and we had great insurance that paid for it all. We had emotional, spiritual and physical support. My daughter was happy and unaffected by my health woes. My husband’s employer was understanding and accommodating with his schedule. By all accounts we were blessed and moving through life with grateful hearts. But is the next valley right around the corner? I remember feeling that same gratitude and concern just weeks before my diagnosis. Again I was driving (maybe I should stop driving?), and became overcome with fear that something bad was coming. I was about a mile from my home heading into work and out of nowhere, dread filled me and I started crying.  I nearly cried all the way to work.  Life had been going too well—when was the other shoe going to drop? Turns out it dropped just a few weeks after that when I discovered my lump. (Warning! Warning! Thoughts become things, so ya better think on the good.) 

 We can’t be on the mountain all the time; we have to be in the valleys sometimes. I just wasn’t ready for another valley after cancer. I needed to bask on the mountain top and regain some strength and resolve in order to survive another valley. 

When I arrived to get the bed frame, the woman inexplicably refused my money. I'm sure my face showed her how perplexed I was.  We had agreed on the price, so why would she now want to just give it to me? She told me she was participating in a cancer walk and if I felt led, I could donate to her team instead. Say what?! She didn’t know I was a cancer survivor. She didn’t know $15 mattered in our finances. She didn’t know I was afraid I used up all my blessings already. She didn’t know God was speaking through her. It was as if God was saying: “Lynnette, I’m not in the business of denying blessings—let me show you how I take care of you. In the BIG and SMALL ways”. I donated to her cause straight away when I got home. 

God cares about all aspects of our lives and He plays a part in even the seemingly insignificant ways. In some respects, I think He shows up bigger in the smaller things. When I put Gianna in her bed each night, I have an awesome physical reminder of how God continues to provide for all my needs.

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