Gah. I don't know why I thought it. Or said it. Gianna and I were cuddling in bed one morning and she said "Mama, I wish I could wear Bitty around like you used to wear me." Like a dodo, I replied "Well, I could probably make a carrier today for you."
Her eyes grew three fold. I knew this would make her so happy. I convinced myself it would be simple and I'd sew it in a jiffy. Nevermind I didn't have a pattern and hadn't used my sewing machine in about 2 years. I found some coordinating material and tried to make my own pattern. I quickly came to my senses and hit The Google. With a free pattern downloaded and printed out, I was on my way to being the most amazing, best mom anyone could ask for.
Two hours went by and I was still cutting the fabric out and trying to follow this tutorial. Gianna was getting impatient; looking for something to occupy herself while I was getting progressively more irritated. I suggested she work on her numbers while I started to sew. She had a massive meltdown while I tried not to have my own. This carrier pattern was hard, ya'll! It was a bit beyond my elementary sewing abilities. Gianna was crying, saying over and over about her numbers, "It's too hard! I can't do it!". I suggested she take a break.
We are well into the afternoon and my exasperation is palpable. I blurted out "This is hard!". Gianna stared at me. I quickly followed it up with "but I can do hard things!".
And I did. I finished it. A pattern that suggested I could make this 'while my toddler napped' took me 6 painful hours. That's one long nap. But it turned out awesome and Gianna was over the moon. Bitty fit perfectly and Gianna trotted downstairs. As I was cleaning up, she reappeared and declared: "I did it! I can do hard things too!" She had gone back to finish her numbers that she struggled with earlier in the day.
What a powerful reminder that little eyes and ears are soaking everything in. The new motto in our house became "I can do hard things".
I remember this when I'm physically challenged. Do you know that it's STILL hard for me to open jars after my double mastectomy? Even though I work with a trainer once a week, those muscles just aren't there like they used to be. You just don't realize how much you use your pectoral muscles until they have been cut and radiated.
I remember this when I'm emotionally challenged (which would be every day) and when I want to give up. People who have never experienced cancer can't fully understand that there isn't a day that goes by that a cancer survivor doesn't think about death. Certainly there are exceptions to this, but you never really 'get over' cancer. We have the emotional fall out of the original diagnosis that usually happens post treatment. We are left trying to figure out what our life should, could or will look like. Even though my main treatment has been completed (surgery, chemotherapy and radiation) I have two more years of anti-estrogen treatment to go and everyday I question whether I can keep doing it. I don't know if the side effects and long term effects it is having on my body outweigh the benefits of the treatment. This treatment is supposed to be my 'insurance policy' against recurrence, but at what cost? Yet, for now, I continue. I continue doing a really, really hard thing.
We are made to do hard things. We are. We are made for it. So we do them.
This is a shout out to all of you doing hard things every day. Keep showing up and doing those hard things. Just think before committing to making a baby doll carrier.
Her eyes grew three fold. I knew this would make her so happy. I convinced myself it would be simple and I'd sew it in a jiffy. Nevermind I didn't have a pattern and hadn't used my sewing machine in about 2 years. I found some coordinating material and tried to make my own pattern. I quickly came to my senses and hit The Google. With a free pattern downloaded and printed out, I was on my way to being the most amazing, best mom anyone could ask for.
Two hours went by and I was still cutting the fabric out and trying to follow this tutorial. Gianna was getting impatient; looking for something to occupy herself while I was getting progressively more irritated. I suggested she work on her numbers while I started to sew. She had a massive meltdown while I tried not to have my own. This carrier pattern was hard, ya'll! It was a bit beyond my elementary sewing abilities. Gianna was crying, saying over and over about her numbers, "It's too hard! I can't do it!". I suggested she take a break.
We are well into the afternoon and my exasperation is palpable. I blurted out "This is hard!". Gianna stared at me. I quickly followed it up with "but I can do hard things!".
And I did. I finished it. A pattern that suggested I could make this 'while my toddler napped' took me 6 painful hours. That's one long nap. But it turned out awesome and Gianna was over the moon. Bitty fit perfectly and Gianna trotted downstairs. As I was cleaning up, she reappeared and declared: "I did it! I can do hard things too!" She had gone back to finish her numbers that she struggled with earlier in the day.What a powerful reminder that little eyes and ears are soaking everything in. The new motto in our house became "I can do hard things".
I remember this when I'm physically challenged. Do you know that it's STILL hard for me to open jars after my double mastectomy? Even though I work with a trainer once a week, those muscles just aren't there like they used to be. You just don't realize how much you use your pectoral muscles until they have been cut and radiated.
I remember this when I'm emotionally challenged (which would be every day) and when I want to give up. People who have never experienced cancer can't fully understand that there isn't a day that goes by that a cancer survivor doesn't think about death. Certainly there are exceptions to this, but you never really 'get over' cancer. We have the emotional fall out of the original diagnosis that usually happens post treatment. We are left trying to figure out what our life should, could or will look like. Even though my main treatment has been completed (surgery, chemotherapy and radiation) I have two more years of anti-estrogen treatment to go and everyday I question whether I can keep doing it. I don't know if the side effects and long term effects it is having on my body outweigh the benefits of the treatment. This treatment is supposed to be my 'insurance policy' against recurrence, but at what cost? Yet, for now, I continue. I continue doing a really, really hard thing.
We are made to do hard things. We are. We are made for it. So we do them. This is a shout out to all of you doing hard things every day. Keep showing up and doing those hard things. Just think before committing to making a baby doll carrier.
Comments
Post a Comment